XOXO 2024

by
Annika Backstrom
in Personal, on 27 August 2024. xoxo

Five XOXO Festival badges Badge lineup: 2015, 2016, 2018, 2019, 2024

The final XOXO Festival wrapped up this weekend in Portland, Oregon. It was my fifth XOXO, and it's been 5 years since the previous festival, XOXO 2019.

Five years is a long time. Maybe long enough that, like me, you see a change in yourself. Since 2019, I'm a little frayed around the edges, more cautious, more reserved in the face of an unfriendly world.

I have allowed myself to harden in the past five years. I saw it happening and I fucking leaned in. It was a learned response to a hostile environment. The timeline of this blog is a reflection of that change: withdrawal, retreat, a reluctance to engage.

XOXO is an event, yes. It's a particular point in time with a beginning and an end. But XOXO is also a feeling of curiosity, a sense of wonder, a rejection of cynicism, a community. A reminder. A dream.

XOXO is made of people. This weekend, those people reminded me what it's like to allow myself to feel joy and hope. I saw a lot of old friends and maybe made some new ones. I heard their stories and felt their excitement. Hibernating parts of me woke up, did a little stretch, and thought maybe it's time to leave the cave.

It's easy to harden up. Only natural, as I heard through a friend. Going soft again is not so easy. All these great people make me want to at least try.

There will not be another XOXO Festival, but there are many people who embody its spirit, whether they associate it with the festival or not. I will try to remember that without the festival's periodic reminder.

People at night on a lawn under strings of lights, in front of a large white tent The traditional "leaving XOXO" shot, 2024

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